My dad just emailed me this huge list of puns oh my god

I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
When chemists die, they barium.
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.
We’re going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.
Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
Broken pencils are pointless.
I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
All the toilets in New York’s police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.
I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.
A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.
The earthquake in Washington obviously was the Government's fault.
Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.

madamemalfoy:

I don’t understand why it matters if I sleep in until one in the afternoon or later. My only plans are to breathe and eat.

same-name fraannnnn :)

caramel apple

joon: what the heck is a caramel apple
me: ....are you serious
joon: is it like genetically modified food? why the fuck did scientists mixed apple and caramels together.

mydarkenedeyes:

Expectations by Andrew Mar

orange balloon

so much work to do

and I don’t feel like doing shit lol

new librarian

some new librarian lady
looks ancient
and yells at me for walking around because I’m looking for someone.

THE LIBRARY IS MY TERRITORY

how dare she 

(Source: looksdelicious)

ofabeautifulnight:

do you ever just want to stand up in the middle of class and scream SHUT UP YOU’RE ALL STUPID

all done with the PDP project :)

there’s still all the meeting notes to make up

not even halfway done

I actually think I’m going to throw up